The greatest love you can ever experience after the love of Christ is not the love of your spouse, parents or friends, but the love you actually have for YOU. Do you appreciate you? According to T.D. Jakes, in his book, “The Lady, Her Lover and Her Lord”, as a woman, you have three relationships that must be balanced so as to achieve true fulfillment in life; relationship with yourself, God, and lastly with your man.
A strong relationship with oneself is a necessary precursor to every other meaningful relationship in life. If as a woman, you do not have a firm relationship with yourself, you will recklessly pursue extreme relationships in the hopes of achieving internal peace. You will try to love others in a desperate need to find in them what you must find within yourself. The woman who does not love herself becomes very thirsty and desperate for love and therefore rushes into love half-dressed and ill prepared.
Many women have actually attained great accomplishments in all other areas only to later realise to their amazement that something is missing. What is actually missing is the dire need for a relationship with the Lord. He alone provides a spiritual fortification that anchors the soul and becomes the foundation on which everything else is able to stand.
If a woman feels like a lady and is able to celebrate herself, she will no doubt attract into her life people who truly reflect her own opinion of herself. Learning how to love yourself, how to embrace yourself is a key ingredient of happiness in life. Self-love is at the very core of well-being, joy, self-empowerment and our ability to enjoy the kind of life we envisage. Even if you had everything else in your life, exactly the way you wanted it, you would not be able to enjoy it if you were not at peace with yourself.
Besides this, every relationship you ever have with someone else, mirrors one or more aspects of the relationship you have with yourself. One of the most difficult thing to achieve in life is the ability to be motivated by ourselves; if we are going to be effective individuals, we must strive to develop the ability to embrace ourselves. True love actually emanates from within. People who have a low self-esteem are too obsessive to enjoy others. They need others to survive, to stand and that need is compulsive and draining. That is why a woman will get married to a man and expects the man to meet every of her need, and when the man is unable to do this, she is frustrated and depressed.
It is nearly impossible to find someone to genuinely appreciate you as a person if you do not allow them to see you as a settled, stabilised person. The truth is, you train others how to treat you by the way you treat yourself. We can love others with no more wholeness than with which we love ourselves. We tend to seek from others the kind of love and affirmation that must come from within.
If as a woman, your relationship is not fortified with her Lord and with herself, you will enter into a relationship with a man for the very wrong reasons. If you cannot value your own existence and presence, you will eventually have difficulty relating well with others. As a single woman, you have ample time to develop true spirituality. You are not encumbered with the concerns of children and mate. You have the time to strengthen yourself on several levels. She has the time to strengthen her economy, her spirituality, her emotional well-being and above all, her personality. You need to strengthen every area of your life so that when the right man finally comes, you will be able to clearly discern whether you are truly in love or in need. Because you can actually be married and still be lonely. Do not forget the simple fact that you can only be single once in a lifetime, so make good use of this sensitive phase of your life.
You need to strive to know yourself on a daily basis, it is very dangerous to allow others to know you better than you know yourself, it is a great disaster. When we do not value ourselves, we tend to attract people who support that devalued image or mental picture we already have of ourselves. Always remember that, we train people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves.
Try as much as possible to establish some solidarity financially, mentally and spiritually. Then, when you add the harmonious thrust of a man, he is enriched by your contribution and you by his, without being a burden that he carries until he is exhausted. Who says a woman cannot support her husband financially? Who says a woman cannot help in settling some financial bills in the home? The goal is ultimately a state of wholeness. That wholeness cannot be reached if you are not truly and sincerely in love with you.
No man can love you as much as you love YOU. The greatest love ever is loving oneself. Do you love you? How much do you truly love you? Sometimes, just tap yourself and say to yourself “I Love you Faithful (insert your name)”, and you will see how refreshing you will feel.
Sometimes, just take yourself out and give yourself a treat, make yourself feel good, do not wait for any man to do that for you. It must not necessarily be somewhere expensive, just a place you can afford per time.
Before I got married, there was a day I felt so low in spirit, I decided to take myself out and give myself a treat after work. I went to Shoprite, Jabi Lake (in Abuja, Nigeria) and got myself my favourite Seafood fried rice and ice cream. I sat by the lake and enjoyed my sumptuous seafood fried rice and ice cream, then said a word of prayer and left. I felt so refreshed after this, the feeling I must say was out of this world. You could even decide to go to a spar if that is something you like or enjoy. It is good to pamper yourself sometimes you know, it actually feels good, and it is a “feel good vaccine”.
You need to know yourself and your Lord before you can enter into a true relationship, but a relationship is hollow if you do not really love YOU. How much of yourself do you know? What is your temperament? What are your strengths and weaknesses? Take out time to read books that would help you discover yourself. One book I will recommend is “Why you act the way you do by Tim Lahaye”. There are so many other Christian books that would guide you in your journey to self-discovery.
When you are not so thirsty and desperate for love, you make better decisions. So learn to EMBRACE YOURSELF from today.