Relationship & Family

Love at First Sight: Utopia or Reality

Faithful Iyobosa-Naitri

We have heard lots about love, read so much about it, talked a lot about it, and even dreamt a whole lot about it. But sometimes we see so many ‘beautiful’ relationships end abruptly, and we wonder if what those people felt for one another at the beginning was truly love. Very unlike what we watched while growing up in TV cartoons; how the prince met the princess and they lived happily ever after.

So much have been written, even said about ‘love at sight’. A lady sees a man and her heart skips or starts beating very fast. She starts having butterflies in her tummy, feeling she had finally met her ‘Mr Right’, her ‘Knight in shining armour’.

The question is, ‘Is there anything like love at first sight?’ Does it exist in reality, or in our imagination? Is it real or mere farce?

A young man meets a lady for the very first time in church, school or at a party and he immediately calls the lady to say, ‘As soon as our eyes met, I fell completely in love with you’. Is that love? Of course not. Some people cannot actually distinguish between sexual attraction, lust, and love.

Love struck

Some claim to be ‘in love’ to the point that they ‘loose’ their minds and they start acting weird. Nothing else matters in their lives anymore, simply because they are in love.

Some have outlined certain features they want their future partners to possess: big boobs, hazel eyes, big buttocks, pointed nose, slim figure, straight legs, spotless face, broad chest, tall, handsome, beautiful, black beauty, light complexioned, someone with a good command of English who speaks with a drawl, etc., and the moment they see someone who fits into that picture, they claim they have ‘fallen in love’. But is this truly love?

Is love at first sight real?

Building your relationship on just the looks or physique of your partner is like trying to build a three- storey building and you are using mud to lay the foundation. The idea of love at first sight appears to be a misnomer since it cannot reasonably be taken literally. This is as a result of the fact that merely seeing someone does not afford you a sufficient window into the actual nature of the person seen. By simply seeing people without having an opportunity to get to know them, one cannot rightly claim to love them.

What then is true love? How do you identify true love?

Walter Trobish, when commenting on true love said, “Let me try to tell you what it really should mean if a fellow says to a girl “I love you”. It means you, you, you. YOU ALONE. You shall reign in my life. You are the one who I loved, for without you I am incomplete. I will GIVE everything up, everything for you, myself as well as all that I possess. I will GIVE for you alone and I will work for you alone, and I will wait for you, it doesn’t matter how long, I will always be patient with you, I will never force you, not even by words. I want to guard you, protect you and keep you from all evil. I want to share with you my thoughts, my heart and my body, and all that I possess. I want to listen to what you have to say. There is nothing I want to undertake without your blessing, I want to remain always by your side”

This is what true love should actually be. True love far exceed seeing a man or woman for the very first time and falling helplessly in lust/infatuation with him/her. What exactly do you mean when you say to that lady/man, “I love you?” If what you feel is different from Walter’s comment on true love, then I’m sorry to inform you that what you feel or what you think you feel is certainly not love.

True love fears God. Outside the Word of God, every other affection is fake and conditional. Remember, the Bible says “God is love, so any love devoid of God cannot be termed as genuine love. Love is a strong binding-force that magnetizes people together, it compels them to make sacrifices for one another without any ulterior motive for personal gain or aggrandizement. Love is for mature minds, not for the feeble minded.

According to a relationship counselor, “many love professors are lust possessors”. True love emphasizes giving, lust on the other hand emphasizes receiving.

Love is not just a feeling, it is much more than that. Infatuation more often is based on feeling, having a feeling that you have never felt before is not always equal to being in love. Love is deeper than mere feelings. If an affair that is based on feelings alone leads to marriage, the marriage is likely to crumble when the feeling ebbs. Please do not rush into marriage simply because of the euphoria of ‘being in love.’ If it’s really a genuine love, it will not be in a hurry. If you enter into marriage in a hurry, you will also rush out in a hurry.

True love is not an ordinary feeling that any little occurrence can change; our feelings is not always prolonged. For instance, anger, worry, sadness, happiness, relief, fear etc., are always for a short period, but true love is meant to be for a life time- Bisi Adewale.

Love is an unconditional emotion from the heart, mixed with kindness and compassion, which makes one to be willing and prepared to serve the other party or make sacrifices even when it is not convenient at all. Love is giving, forgiving and caring (John 3:16, 1 John 3:16); love is sacrifice and service, if you cannot go the extra mile for that man/woman in your life then your love is far from being genuine. Love is godly; it grows out of godly friendship (you do not fall into love, you grow into it). It does not focus primarily on the outward appearance.

Many people often have this belief that before you accept to marry any man, he must be a man you love. The Bible says husbands, love your wives; not fiancé love your fiancée or boyfriend love your girlfriend. Marital love is a condition in the home, not outside it. It is God that makes a wife/husband. It is not man or our efforts or wisdom, but God.

There is nothing like love at first sight, it only exist in your imagination. You cannot have true love towards a total stranger, only lust and infatuation can be at first sight. God is love, love is God, love is God initiated, hence, it is an expression of God, it is not possible to reject God and still have or experience true love. Going into a relationship with a man/woman who does not love God is like going to the battlefield as a soldier with a gun that does not have bullets. Any relationship that is not based on God is not based on love.

Love is sweet; it’s not a feeling, it’s a substance, it is action. Love is far deeper than what you have been reading in novels, “M & B”, romance magazines, on Telemundos or books. Love is somewhat different from what you have been watching on Nollywood, Hollywood or Bollywood. Love, true love puts God first and it is selfless. True love is sensible, it is matured, it is enduring and it is glorious. Base your marriage on it, it is a sure foundation, base your destiny on it, it is a Solid Rock.

What is it that actually attracted you to that man/lady and what attracted him/her to you? If it is just the outward appearances like hair, set of teeth, car, money, big boobs, beauty, voice, shape, buttocks, height, position, gift, complexion, etc., then what you feel is not love but infatuation. True love completely depends on godly qualities, intelligence, fear of God, hard work, prudence, integrity, character, submission, etc.

If what you love about your partner is just the outward appearance, then you are just being lustful. What do you think will happen to this so-called love when all these ‘physical’ qualities are no longer there? Bear in mind that outward appearance is only based on the “CONTAINER” but true love is skin deep. True love goes for the “CONTENT” first before considering the “CONTAINER”.

Go for the “VIRTUE” in him/her, not the “VESSEL”.

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