Ofaithfulften times, we see people on the outside and just envy them, we “fall in love” with them just by looking at the way they dress, comport themselves, and perhaps the way they speak with drawl. But we always fail to think about what they are behind the veils.

The real us is not the us that are projected on the outside. The real us is the one behind the veil. Most times, our public life is just a mere show, like we’re acting a movie, and we most likely give people the wrong impression of who we really are.

Who are you in the dark when no one is watching?

It is expedient for us to live our lives with so much transparency; our lives should be transparent enough for people to see through to who we really are. You cannot live one life on the outside and an entirely different one inside”

In relationships, I have seen so much pretense. It is either the guy is pretending to be what he is not, or the lady is. And worse still, both of them many times do good jobs of the pretense game.

Marriage and courtship are two different sides of a coin. You cannot claim to know a man or woman simply because you have gone out with the person for five years. How much of yourself do you know? When in courtship, love is always blind, but the good news is the fact that marriage will always open your eyes to the reality of who your spouse truly is.

The man or woman who worships you today might actually become a monster tomorrow. The fact she worships the ground on which you walk on is not a guarantee that she’ll be submissive to a fault when you eventually marry her.

Youths of these days often neglect the place of character in marriage. They’re often beclouded by the good looks of the lady or guy that they actually shut their eyes to the realities on ground. Character plays a pivotal role in building a successful and enviable home.

Also, never downplay the “G-Factor” (God factor) in marriage. Anyone who fears and reveres God will not struggle to love or respect his or her spouse. Do not expect a man who does not love God to love you, because no man can give what he does not have. The fact that he is a great guy is not a proof that your marriage will work out. Only a home founded on Christ can thrive, any home founded outside Christ is doomed for failure. We forget the fact that in the beginning, everything God created was actually ‘good’ in His sight. Then why do we have ‘bad’ marriages and homes? Only a home founded on the solid foundation of Christ can experience goodness.

It is better to remain single and fulfill destiny, and be all that God wants you to be, than to be married to the wrong person and miss out on God’s plan for your life and destiny. I usually tell people that marriage is not a do or die affair. Being single does not make you less of a person. Singleness is a state, and it is what you do in your single state that actually matters not being in the single state itself.

Do not make the costly mistake of choosing a spouse based on the person you see on the outside, check who might be behind the veil. When you know who lives behind the veil, will you be willing and ready to spend the rest of your life with him or her?

If you are getting married to that person because he or she is handsome/beautiful, or because he/she is good in bed, remember that sex is just for few minutes, but marriage is for a lifetime.

Courtship is not a time for romance, it is a time to ask questions. Ask your partner some pertinent questions, do not assume you know your partner enough, ask questions about his/her life, family background, past relationships, spiritual life, etc.

There are persons you should never go out with, not to talk of getting married to. True love is not hasty, it is patient. You can only be single once in a lifetime, so make good use of it. Don’t be in a hurry to get married, because if you hurriedly go into marriage, you would very likely come out of it hurriedly.

It’s not a man’s look and physique or a woman’s look or shape that keeps a relationship, it is character. Do not look out for a man with charisma, look for a man with character.

Bible says by their fruits you shall know them. So take your eyes away from the physical appearance of the man/woman and look at his/her character (fruits). What kind of fruits is he or she producing? Can you live with that for the rest of your life?

Any man or woman who puts you down always, or makes you feel bad about you is not worthy of you. Marry a man who’s always pointing you to your future not to your past, a man who brings out the best in you not the worse. A man who calls you names is not worthy of you.

You are too good for such a man, walk away from such a relationship.

Marriage is all about honesty, trust, love. If you cannot trust a man or woman, please do not marry him or her. Be honest with your partner, do not hide things from yourselves. Secrecy breeds suspicion and distrust. Do not waste your destiny with a man or woman you barely know.

Learn to look beyond the outward appearance of your partner, there’s always something or someone else behind the veil, be watchful.


Faithful Iyobosa writes from Abuja, Nigeria.

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