faithfulOften times, you hear people say, “I’m searching for the right man, I’m searching for the right woman”. Or make a statement like “I need a man who can take care of me”. But have you ever sat down to ask yourself some pertinent questions? Are you the right person? Can you actually take care of him or her?

You’ll always attract your kind, because the way you’re searching for the right person, that’s the same way he/she also is seeking for the right person. The way you’re looking out for a man who can take care of you, so is he also searching for the woman who can take care of him.

What can you contribute to his life to make him better? What difference would it make if or when he does marry you? Will he become a better person with you in his life? Will she become better with you in her life?

If we can focus on making ourselves the ‘right person’, if we could use our single years to develop ourselves in every area (spiritually, materially, economically, intellectually, etc ) then I make bold to say that we’ll experience bliss and fulfillment in our marriages.

If we enter into a relationship with the mind-set of how we could make our partners better, with the mind-set of what you can contribute to his/her life, then we won’t have to struggle to make our relationships work.

As a woman, you don’t say “what am I going to get out of this man?” Rather you should “What do I have to offer after we are married?” You should go into a relationship with a determination to be an asset in the home, not a liability.

Neither the male nor female wants to marry a liability and nobody wants to be associated, especially through marriage, to a lazy person. Just as a lady wants to marry a hardworking and industrious man, men equally desire to marry committed, busy, dedicated hardworking lady.

After you have gotten married, you should proffer answers to these questions; “What is my contribution to this home?” “What am I ready to let go?” “What am I ready to sacrifice?” “What am I ready to accommodate so that my home and family will advance?”

He may not have all the money right now, but it doesn’t mean he won’t have tomorrow. Never judge a man based on what he has or what he doesn’t have today, because you don’t know what God will bring his way tomorrow.

Marriage is for the fulfillment of purpose. Why marry a man who’s yet to discover his purpose? Why marry a woman who only thinks marriage is for sex, making babies and bearing the Mrs title? That’ll be a hellish home. Marriage is far more than that; it’s for the fulfillment of your purpose.

Discover your purpose for life before you choose a partner for life. Marrying a man or woman without your purpose well defined is embarking on a journey that’s only bound to crash. If you don’t have a purpose, then you have no business getting married in the first place because marriage isn’t a destination, it’s a journey. Why marry a man/woman who doesn’t even know where he/she is headed?

Can two walk together except they agree? If there’s no agreement between both of you, then that marriage is destined for failure. For you to have a blissful home, you need to walk in agreement.

The bible enjoins us to make full proof of our ministry (2 Timothy 5:7). Will that man/woman spur you to make full proof of your ministry? Or would he/she rather quench the little sparks you already have?

He may not be the most handsome, but he’s the most suitable for your life and destiny. She may not necessarily be the most beautiful lady, but she’s the most suitable for your life and destiny. If we all enter into marriage with the right perspective, with the right understanding of what marriage truly entails, then we won’t have to struggle to make it work. Then there won’t be a constant increase in the rate of divorce, but rather a decline.

Marriage is work; hard work. So instead of focusing on looking for the right person, be the right person. If you want a man who’ll treat you like a queen, then learn how to treat him like a king. If you want a man who has a good dress sense, then develop a good dress sense. If you want a man who’s a genuine lover of God, then start loving God genuinely, without any iota of pretence. Don’t forget, you’ll always attract your kind. If you’re a pretender, you’ll attract a pretender, if you’re a cheat, you’ll definitely attract a cheat. If you’re an honest and sincere person, you’ll attract someone who’s also honest and sincere.

A wise man once said, “be the change you want to see”. So, strive to be the right person, so that when he the right man eventually meets the right woman, they’ll build the right home, with ease and less effort.

People want to marry the best, they have perceptions of the ‘perfect’ man/woman they envisage to be married to. However, the irony is that people want to present themselves to others as people who they themselves would not accept to be married to.

Let me conclude by asking you a question. Are you into that relationship your own selfish gain, whims and needs? Are you in that marriage to share your life with him/her with the goal of finding true companionship?

Faithful Iyobosa contributed this from Abuja, Lagos, Nigeria.


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